An alternative blueprint for holy conviction

Steps to creating your own God:

1. You need a book. The almighty creator of the Universe always has “a book”. This should contain the ideology of your religion. Also, make sure you get it right the first time, you’re really not supposed to amend it later.

Mass Media and Popular Culture (2nd Edition)

2. You need a good name for your god. Monotheism is in right now, so the singular is more convincing. People immediately know who you are when you mention Allah, Yaweh, Odin, Thor etc. You need something that is equally distinguishable.

Media

3. Make sure your religion contains a list of DOs and DON’Ts. People like to be told what to do. A list of 10 is pretty smart, but that’s already been taken, so you might want to try a different number. Make sure you also give your people a lot of morally ambiguous, metaphorical tales to follow. This way they can be applied to virtually any situation, giving them the appearance of timelessness.

Follow these rules and you shall be forever accepted in the human world for all eternity.. as long as you live. As people, we are to assimilate into a world where only beauty awaits. And no, beauty is neither within the eye of the beholder nor beer holder. It’s within the eyes of Media. It’s everywhere and all-knowing. You are to be in the right physical and/or mental shape. Otherwise, you suffer a psychological hell on earth.

4. And, most importantly, you need some miracles or fulfilled prophesies to give your religion some validity. How you accomplish this is up to you. This will probably be the hardest part, because if you don’t record them on digital media, people will probably want proof. And if you do, skeptics will probably cry “Photoshop”! —>

This would be known as the project of the devil to some, but the product of artwork to others. To be accepted is to be “beautiful” is to be the best of what you are is to be the contrary of conformity is to be “ugly” is to be you and proud of it. To be faithful in what this “religion” has to offer is to pass this contradictory test. Be your own star.

(I found this document I wrote when I was 15/16. It’s so old, can’t believe I still have it.)