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Happy birthday, dear friend!

August 16, 2010 1 comment

Happy 20th anniversary of your escape from your mother’s womb,
CINDY CHENG!

Was a good day today:).

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Categories: Events, Other

Letter 7: Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

August 7, 2010 6 comments

Dear… Edward Cullen?! Wait, that’s the topic I’m going with? Yes. Wow, I need to sit down for a minute. Whoa, office chair — bad idea. Floor it is.

For those who don’t know what Twilight is about.
1. Really? You don’t know what Twilight is about?
2. Oh, you don’t… Sorry.
3. Twilight is a book series built on its popular theme and plot.
4. The plot is known for arriving to the party late, drunk, in an old beat down car. After partying like it’s 1999 for maybe 20 pages, it drives away, crashes into a tree, and is never heard from again.
5. Currently thiiiiiiiis close to taking over all of teenage girls (or older women who still think like teenage girls).

I love how Edward SPARKLES in the sunlight instead of burning like a real vampire (Welcome to Sarcasmville. Population: that last sentence!). And I just love how he.. ah, who am I kidding? I never read or saw Twilight, but I do get the gist of it and what it does to people. By people I mean Twihards.

Long story short, Bella gets pregnant and this happens:

Oh yes, one creative (and creepy) Twilight fan actually took the time to felt together Bella’s womb, complete with — wait for it — an actual felted mutant fetus inside! Who in their right mind does stuff like this? Seriously, who wakes up one day and says, “Ya know, I think I want to spend the next week or so recreating what Bella’s womb would look like with a mutant fetus inside, and then maybe share it with fans on the internet … because they’ll of course think I’m, like, completely normal and stuff.”

Based on the type of people Edward attracts, you can see why I don’t fit in. People are getting Twilight tattoos. TATTOOS. How can I compete with that? FML. Did I say FML? Because I meant MLIT (My Life Is Twilight). Unlike the FML website, where people talk about how crappy their life is, the MLIT website is where people relate their life to Twilight.

Actual entries:

1. Today I asked my boyfriend if he would hold ice to his lips for a minute before he kissed me, so I could pretend I was kissing Edward. He did. MLIT
2. Today my boyfriend touched my face, and for the fisrt time i didn’t flinch at how cold his hands were. He looked at me and said…………”your pretending i’m Edward aren’t you?” I blushed as we both knew it was true. I can offically say MLIT!!!!

WOW. Oooh, I’ve got one:
Today I was eating grass around grouse mountain, befriending humans, showing them my fuzzy antlers, you know — the usual, then some sparkly asshole killed me so he could drink my blood. WTH JERK?! MLIT.

Looks like we were never meant to be, Cullen.

SL.

I’ve been challenged!

July 14, 2010 1 comment

The challenge is for me to write 30 letters to (preferably) 30 different people in 30 days. A few others have been challenged as well, so we’ll all be doing the same topics. Haven’t been making entries much lately, so this will keep me going. On to letter number one!

Note: I’ve deleted and rewritten all letters from days 1 through 4. I meant to answer them seriously about myself at first, but they were too boring for my taste. If you didn’t see them you’re too late. Muhahaha!

Categories: Other

Pt.1 (Ninja’d from the brother)

June 19, 2010 6 comments

Found this and thought I’d put it up.

-I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

-I don’t understand the purpose of the line “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk. (I’m guilty of this)

-I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

-I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

-A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

-LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say.”

-I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

-Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

-Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart,” all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart.”

-How many times is it appropriate to say ‘What?’ before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

-I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a —- from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

-Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using “as in” examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies.”

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

-While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

-MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

-Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

-I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

-I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

-Bad decisions make good stories.

Categories: Other

Happy Mother’s Day!

May 10, 2010 2 comments

Yesterday was my mother’s birthday. It also happened to be Mother’s Day!

So HAPPY HAPPY birthday and mother’s day!! I was out with the family yesterday so didn’t have time to make a post. Thanks for everything mom!

Warning: Previous post isn’t as pleasant.

UFO: Ultimate Fraudulent Object

April 3, 2010 11 comments

More powerful than a locomotive…
Faster than a speeding bullet!
Look up in the sky. It’s a bird! It’s a plane!
-No, it’s the work of conniving juvenile delinquents,
Whose aim is to collect victims of mass hysteria,
And publicize a scene of self-serving biases
To the possibility of advanced life!
Take cover!!

Categories: Other

Heroes in a half-shell -Turtle power!

March 27, 2010 Leave a comment

Speaking of art, here’s a scanned image of my latest sketch:

Donatello on roids.
I drew this on March 19, 2007.
Wow that was 3 years ago!
Maybe I should start drawing again.

Categories: Other Tags: ,