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The difference between checking out with a machine and a human

April 18, 2010 9 comments

So I was at Superstore with my sister an hour ago and bought a few things. By the time I was ready to pay the line ups were extremely long. That’s when I noticed those self checkout machines. No line up. At all. From afar they looked simple enough, so I went for it. But when I got closer it actually looked like this:

The machine was teasing me. Ladies and gentlemen, this marks the beginning of rising technology in which they eventually become humanity’s overlord. But more on that later. Promise.

I scanned the barcode on the item. Didn’t work. I tried again and stared at the screen. Nothing. I tried staring harder. I attempted to communicate with it, first using telepathy and then using screaming. To my surprise, the machine talked back. It said, “Please scan the item, then place it in the bag.” I pushed the “zero bags” option since 1) I didn’t need any and 2) it would cost 5 cents per bag. I’m Asian. But the little punk-machine kept saying –nay, demanding to “Put the stuff in the bag” and “Do as I say or I’ll kill you!” (OK, I made up the last one, but it’s bound to happen. amirite?!). I obeyed it. In the end it finally worked and I left without paying for the bag. Re-bel.

Next I went to Save On. This time I went to the cashier. The next series of events are what makes people > machine. The cashier asked me whether or not I had a save on card. Unfortunately I didn’t, so I couldn’t save money. Then a guy in the neighbouring aisle came over and offered his card. He gave it to the girl and saved me a couple bucks! That was very nice of him. Then I reached into my bag I noticed I didn’t have my wallet (it was in the car). She said I could come back and she’d save it but I was too lazy for that. I looked in my bag to see if I had enough random change. Unfortunately I didn’t. Can you say, “embarrassing?!” Then she told me not to worry and gave me the stuff anyway! That was very nice of her. A bit of faith in humanity has been restored.

Technology 0, Humanity 1!

Categories: Irony, Technology Tags:

Cheeese


1. Swiss cheese contains holes.
2. The more cheese there is, the more holes there are.
3. The more holes there are, the less cheese there is.
4. Therefore, the more cheese there is, the less cheese there is!

Make sense? So tell me, which would you prefer:
Q: Intelligence or a cheese sandwich?
A: A cheese sandwich.
Nothing is better than intelligence, but a cheese sandwich is better than nothing!

It’s kinda fun playing with words… you could justify any argument that’d otherwise be invalid.

Categories: Irony Tags: