Archive for August, 2010

Happy birthday, dear friend!

August 16, 2010 1 comment

Happy 20th anniversary of your escape from your mother’s womb,

Was a good day today:).

Categories: Events, Other

Letter 9: Someone you wish you could meet

August 11, 2010 5 comments

Dear Future Sarah,

You’ve done things I haven’t done. You’ve seen things I haven’t seen. You know things I don’t know. You lucky dog. If you’re not living on the edge you’re taking up too much space. In fact, you better be falling off the edge –of a plane! Preferably before summer ends.

As for the long term, I’m sure you won’t have problems making ends meet. You have that tendency to make the most of situations (good or bad) and turn them in your favour. Just don’t lose sight of what’s really important to you, otherwise you’ll find yourself working around what would otherwise be the desired outcome.

Time seems to go by slowly when you’re moving forward, yet so quickly when you’re looking back. Nonetheless I’ve learned lots from Past Sarah and I know you’ll learn lots from me!

Your Pal,


Categories: A Letter To..., Personal

Letter 8: Your favourite internet friend

August 9, 2010 12 comments

A poem for you!
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I Googled, weak and weary,
Over many a strange and curious topics I adore,
While I opened my homepage link, suddenly there came a typing,
Then my mind was filled with info, info that wouldn’t be a bore,
“‘Tis interesting news!” I clicked, “Now would there be anymore?!”
Quoth the server, “404.”

Dear Google,

You are known as one of the most helpful search engines, existing for the sole purpose of helping people find information. But you haven’t fooled me! That would be Wikipedia.

Google, of all my internet friends, I picked you because you know the most (about me). You record everything from what I search to every data about myself onto your servers, correlated with my IP address. There’s a good chance you’ve installed a cookie onto my browser that logs my online activity. One way around that is to set my browser to not accept cookies. If I do, I miss out on the services that cookies enable.

They sure didn't hide it!

They sure didn't hide it!

But thanks to an app called Google Trends, I can now track what other people search as well.
(In case you live in a cave, Google Trends is a tool that charts how often something is being searched for over a time line, revealing any interesting spikes in its popularity)
Look what I discovered:

Type in anything on Google Trends. You can even do more than one topic and overlap the results.

Wow. I wonder what got everybody suddenly wanting to look up anal fisting in Jan 06? Was there a Family Guy episode about it? South Park? Maybe it appeared in 4chan? Who knows. I don’t even know what a monster pig is. Then again neither did anybody until a brief week in 2007.

I figured if Google knows so much about us, let’s talk more about it. Google is a freaking lucrative corporation because it gives advertisers an avenue for getting attention and it gives consumers a free service.

They have a darn good algorithm working on autopilot and it works like this:

Google has “an evil side.” All the free services provided (Google Search, Google Earth, Google Maps, Gmail, Blogger ETC. ) are funded by advertisers. When you use those services, Google collects information about you. It uses what it knows about you to target ads specifically to your personal tastes. The more you use Google, the more Google gets paid through advertisers. And as long as they continue putting out superior products, we’ll keep using them, and the cycle continues.

Keeping friends close, and enemies closer,

You probably already know

Categories: A Letter To... Tags:

Letter 7: Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

August 7, 2010 6 comments

Dear… Edward Cullen?! Wait, that’s the topic I’m going with? Yes. Wow, I need to sit down for a minute. Whoa, office chair — bad idea. Floor it is.

For those who don’t know what Twilight is about.
1. Really? You don’t know what Twilight is about?
2. Oh, you don’t… Sorry.
3. Twilight is a book series built on its popular theme and plot.
4. The plot is known for arriving to the party late, drunk, in an old beat down car. After partying like it’s 1999 for maybe 20 pages, it drives away, crashes into a tree, and is never heard from again.
5. Currently thiiiiiiiis close to taking over all of teenage girls (or older women who still think like teenage girls).

I love how Edward SPARKLES in the sunlight instead of burning like a real vampire (Welcome to Sarcasmville. Population: that last sentence!). And I just love how he.. ah, who am I kidding? I never read or saw Twilight, but I do get the gist of it and what it does to people. By people I mean Twihards.

Long story short, Bella gets pregnant and this happens:

Oh yes, one creative (and creepy) Twilight fan actually took the time to felt together Bella’s womb, complete with — wait for it — an actual felted mutant fetus inside! Who in their right mind does stuff like this? Seriously, who wakes up one day and says, “Ya know, I think I want to spend the next week or so recreating what Bella’s womb would look like with a mutant fetus inside, and then maybe share it with fans on the internet … because they’ll of course think I’m, like, completely normal and stuff.”

Based on the type of people Edward attracts, you can see why I don’t fit in. People are getting Twilight tattoos. TATTOOS. How can I compete with that? FML. Did I say FML? Because I meant MLIT (My Life Is Twilight). Unlike the FML website, where people talk about how crappy their life is, the MLIT website is where people relate their life to Twilight.

Actual entries:

1. Today I asked my boyfriend if he would hold ice to his lips for a minute before he kissed me, so I could pretend I was kissing Edward. He did. MLIT
2. Today my boyfriend touched my face, and for the fisrt time i didn’t flinch at how cold his hands were. He looked at me and said…………”your pretending i’m Edward aren’t you?” I blushed as we both knew it was true. I can offically say MLIT!!!!

WOW. Oooh, I’ve got one:
Today I was eating grass around grouse mountain, befriending humans, showing them my fuzzy antlers, you know — the usual, then some sparkly asshole killed me so he could drink my blood. WTH JERK?! MLIT.

Looks like we were never meant to be, Cullen.