Happy Post Valentine’s Day!

I can’t help but notice that sometimes people feel bad about themselves for not being able to share Valentine’s Day with someone. Fear not, my low-self-esteemed chum! For your edification, and so that you can feel better about yourself on a comparative basis as a human being, I am here to offer the next best thing: my thoughts. “But Sarah, I don’t care about your thoughts.” Ooo YOU’RE LUCKY I HAVE NO HEART.

For the singles
If it’s any consolation, I love you. Granted not like that, but still. If V-day doesn’t work out for you.. redefine social attitudes towards Valentine’s Day instead. Next year if you’re in the same position, try celebrating a “Happy Half-Way Through Black History Month” day!

For the casual stalkers
For the past few months you’ve been arranging “coincidental” encounters with that special someone during class, during work, and a dozen other places. Yet even on V-day you still didn’t get so much a glance. Find a new hobby or consider falling for someone who likes you back?

Enter the glow in the dark flower

For the serious stalkers
Ok face it, right from the start you knew the casual encounters would never have worked. Hell, if you’ve gone this far I don’t suppose you have plans on giving up now. In which case, you’ve got to step your game up. If you mean business, giving crappy red roses simply won’t do.

All you have to do is pour some highlighter fluid in water, cut the stems, and let ’em soak that shit up. BOOM — space flowers! Then make some glow-flowers for your lady and tell her you picked them on the moon. Win!