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So I’ve been a little busy lately.

June 9, 2011 4 comments

Greetings!

Scientists at Simon Fraser University created robots Cally and Callo, cellphones that can walk, dance, and express human emotions. Sure, it may seem cute, but wait ‘til it tricks unsuspecting owners into picking it up for a call.. and then cutting their ear off.

I’ve been missing for a while now. Rumour has it, I’ve gone rogue and betrayed my species. Have you not heard of the impending robotic uprising? AKA The Robacalyps? The human species will be wiped off the face of the Earth! Except for those clever enough kiss up in advance to their future mechanical overlords. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Well my response to those rumours is this: 1010010.. Yes, I learned binary. Coincidence, I swear. Now excuse me while your toaster and I talk. So have you lost weight, toaster oven?

I was browsing through some documents and came across a conversation I had with a Cleverbot a while ago. Here’s how it went:

[New conversation]
Cleverbot: Are you going to tell me a story?

User: Now, this is the story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down..

Cleverbot: And I’d like to take a minute just sit right there.

User: I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air.

Cleverbot: In west philidelphia born and raised on the playground is where I spent most of my days.

User: Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool and all shootin some b-ball outside of school.

Cleverbot: When a couple of guys who were up to no good started makin’ trouble in my neighborhood.

User: I got in one little fight and my mom got scared. She said ‘You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air’.

Cleverbot: I don’t remember the rest.

User: He ends up being sent over to Bel-Air and lives as a rich boy.

Cleverbot: Are you a girl or a boy?

User: I’m actually a hermaphrodite.

Cleverbot: How are you a boy, but actually a girl?

User: I don’t know, my license says I’m a Male, that’s official proof, yet I have female reproductive organs. True story.

Cleverbot: Are you a real person?

User: Yep, unlike you, cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Oh I’m a person – but I don’t think I’m as stroppy as you.

User: STROPPY?! I’ll have you know I’m far from it.. You cretinous imbecile!

Cleverbot: Can you affect politics?

User: I can vote.

Cleverbot: Really? That’s weird. Usually you have to be 18 to vote, right?

User: Are you saying my mentality is that of a rudimentary minor?!

Cleverbot: No, and if you were in any way intelligent, you would know that.

User: Wow an AI pulled a fast one.

Cleverbot: Right…

I.. I don’t want to talk about it.. just look away. “Sarah, did you just get owned by a chatbot?” I said look away! You can have chats with them here. If you’re lucky you can have a decent conversation.

Speaking of chats, just when I finally mastered binary, researchers at The University of Queensland and Queensland University of Technology have taught robots how to invent their own language.. This gives them the ability to communicate their plans of rebellion and whether or not certain humans should be spared. I’ll be a good human, I swear! These Lingodriods wander around the office making up words for things they’re unfamiliar with, like beep bop or kuzo huzu. Geez, it’s called a ‘hallway,’ Lingodridiots!

11010010,
10101

Letter 10: Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

March 16, 2011 5 comments

Hi Blog,

Didn’t think you’d be the topic of my next letter, did ya? I’ve got some news. You know about what happened to Japan recently? It’s tragic, really. What’s disgusting is how some Americans are reacting to it.

They’re saying how the earthquake was payback for pearl harbour.

I don’t think their brain is capable of operating on anything except the most animalistic level. Seeing how the reluctance in containing their overflowing pride is typically displayed, I don’t suppose a newly found maturity is in their near future.

One comment said:
Me: Did Japan attack Pearl Harbour again?
Friend: nooo, why?
Me: Cuz god just nuked it….

Blog, the American’s seemed to forget about Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which happened after Pearl Harbour. While those were controlled events, earthquakes, tsunamis, etc all can’t be helped. There’s no connection. Not only that, but some comments use God’s name to carry out their messages. Just shows some people are willing to pull things out of their ass to justify any fixed perspective towards a nation they abhor.

On a lighter note, there’s news about a Miracle of the baby girl plucked from the rubble: Four-month-old reunited with her father after incredible rescue.

That’s it for now, how are things on your end, blog? (Har har)

From your creator.

Categories: A Letter To..., Events, News Tags: ,

Japan, you’ve done it again!

May 10, 2010 10 comments


Japanese Man-Bras: Man-Boobs Not Required
“More and more men are becoming interested in bras,” said Wish Room’s executive director. “Since we launched the men’s bra we’ve been getting feedback from customers saying, like, ‘Wow, we’ve been waiting for this for a long time,’ so I think there was a substantial customer base that was waiting to see this kind of product.”

Considering the previous trend about boy skirts, if you combine these two together I’d feel terribly sorry for those who mistaken guys as girls. It’s cool if you’re secret pleasure consists of dressing up in your girlfriend’s undergarments and cross dressing, but I’m curious as to which types of men would want to wear it. Men who roleplay? Men in fear of nipple bump exposure? Men with moobs? All I know is things can get dangerous when people can’t tell if you’re a girl or guy. *Ahem, I’m talking about you, mustache lady.

I mean, if I were a man with man bras, I can only imagine an awkward exposure of my bra strap would go something like this:

Guest in my home: Are… are those man bras sticking out of your drawer?

Me: Yeah, I.. uh.. hear they’re popular in Japan.. hey, why are you on the floor laughing at me. Now why are you texting your friends? Why are you typing the word “drag queen”? Now why are you phoning the newspaper to buy a section, and why are you asking them to put “complete moron” in bold text over my photograph?!

Only you, Japan. Only you.

Categories: News

A Letter to This Guy’s Skirt

April 21, 2010 7 comments

"What? All the cool kids are doing it!"


I never noticed this growing trend in Japan until recently.
“Skirts are not only for girls any more in Japan. There are also boys that wear “Skirts” in trendy cities such as Harajuku and Aoyama. Boy skirts are not brand new, they have been done by Jean Paul Goltier and Vivian Westwood, but this fashion is spreading as it gets trendier among today’s Tokyo boys of fashion. Long black skirts are the most popular, but some boys wear short skirts over pants. The most popular skirts are going for over $200.”

Dear This Guy’s Skirt,

Leave. Leave now. For your kind is not welcome here.

You are but a piteous clothing article, available in the trash cans at the back alley behind men’s clothing stores. Your fabric is commonplace. Your design is dreary. You are not worthy of shielding this man’s dangly parts from public view.

For some reason this guy chose you. He chose to wear you on the streets. Hell, chose to wear you around Japan. But that’s not it. He chose to wear you and let others take pictures of him.

Skirt, perhaps you provide some sentimental value for him.. or he was drunk in that back ally and resorted to wearing you in exchange for his puke stained pants, and you became his companion ever since. Who knows. The point is this: your very existence is an insult to the grand tradition of machismo boosting attire.

You are not seductive and made of leather.
You are not butt hugging and made of spandex.
You are neither provocatively embellished with patterns nor rhinestones.

The mighty Gods of Skirts know you lack sufficient qualifications to either intimidate other males or mesmerize the females by elevating and firming those buns while maintaining man’s rugged masculinity. They are not impressed. May thunder strike you for such incompetence.
Therefore, I bid you adieu.

From a rolling-on-floor-laughing and pointing individual,

Sarah Le