Home > A Letter To... > A Letter to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

A Letter to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

Dear Brangelina,

Rumour has it you’re breaking up. It’s the tabloids. And who can blame them? Your relationship has been rocky. And let’s face it; your 6 kids (3 adopted) are a handful.
Lucky for you I have a foolproof plan that will not only help maintain your relationship, but will also bring more love into your orphanage —I mean family.

You should fight less.
You should welcome love with open arms.
You should adopt me next.

Like your babies, all I do is eat, sleep, and poop. I’ll fit right in! Not good enough? Fine, I’ll also be your “Yes-man,” but better. Not only will I say “Yes” enthusiastically with utter ignorance to every subject matter, I will also strike anyone in the kidney that doesn’t. This may come in handy when handling paparazzi too.

Listen, I care for you both. I really do. I also notice you have large sums of money. Did you know that money is the root of all evil? It’s also one of the leading causes of cancer.. and other transferable diseases. Don’t ask. Here, let me take it for you.

Wait, where are you going, Mr. Pitt? Can I call you Brad? …Can I call you Daddy? Anywho, I know I sound like I’m trying to hitch a ride into a life of wealth, fame, and fortune… but I swear it’s not like that. Not at all. I’ve been aware of your acting skills since I was 4, watching you star with Tom Cruise in the movie “Interview with the Vampire.” Been a loyal fan and afraid of vampires ever since. I mean, your blood thirsty lips, pale-white skin, and wild eyes that glow icy blue under those cutting brows was mentally burned in my memory. Are you saying after inflicting trauma in my poor, frail soul you are going to turn your back on me? -Your own daughter?! I hear the best remedy is money.

Angelina, I know just how to get on your good side. I’ve already mailed Jen a bunch of hate letters. I’m good with letters. So get back to me, will ya?

Love,

Sarah Jolie-Pitt

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  1. January 2, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    OMFG I LOVEEEE YOU 4 that letter!
    LMAO!

  2. January 4, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    LMAO!

  3. January 4, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! They are definatley gonna read this letter…they just HAVE to!
    Good luck Sarah!

  4. January 4, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    Tried that buddy….did not work!

  5. January 4, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    Tried that buddy……did not work!

  6. January 4, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Hahha thanks. Been behind on my blog entries but after reading your comments, perhaps I should start posting again!

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